Dear strangers, its C

im starting to feel things iv never felt in such great doses before. Guilt, guilt for the pain im clearly causing my family, my friends, my life. Pain for the things i cant yet discribe, but that burden me everyday. Irritation that the pain wont go away, joy for things i should not be thinking about. and one that i cant quite find a name for.. i just feel disconected from my body my life my everyhintg. everyhintg that kept me here is now evaporated.
im standing on my own . with a single rope. no better a string holding me in place.
j. she is my life. our moods react and change around each others. if shes sad im sad. if she joyfull im joyful. if shes confused im confused. It seems to me that we look at the world in a similar prospective. certain things clearly difine us for indivduals, but in general our minds work the same.
iv never found someone i relate to before. not like this. i have been in love and not related to the person this much. He broke my heart ,but and only now do i realise he never fully had my heart, for he did not fully understand it, because no one understands. if more time had gone bye, im pretty sure he would have completly taken it with him when he abbandoned me. But since J had a piece of my heart when he broke the rest, i am still here.
she is the reason i am alive now, and only now did i realise. She keeps me sain. helps me when i feel distroid.

shes my bes friend, and she will forever stay that way, on my part .
and i will keep going, as long as she keeps going.