Dear Strangers, it's C .
It feels like im blinking through fog. i can't see anything, it's all a disastrous mess..
i lost X, and i am still not over it, i'm still hurting, i'm still full of pain. it's cutting through me like winds these few days, seeing all my friends, all the people i hate, all the people bugging me about him. i hate it, i need to get out, which is why my family and i are probably going on a vacation soon. i hope we do i need out of this hell hole for just a week! and luckily J has been invited. i don't think i could go without her for a week.. i just i think i would actually die.. she's like my everything now. i don't have anything else. and i don't think i need anything. i have her, my brother, my rents and a couple other friends im good with. i have random aquaintences, but all i need is my best friend.
It hurts me more to see her upset. and lucky me, she's hurt. so here's the deal: J and I are alot alike in many ways. M is J's other best friend, and my good friend.
She's very stubborn, shy, ignorant, self concious, stunning girl i've ever met, and i like her alot. she's great! she's really fun when she lets her hair down. Shes quite protective of of her friends.. and it doesnt make her feel any better that shes leaving to move across the country in grade ten. sure shes excited to go but she doesnt want to be forgotten, or worse replaced. And thats where L (the new girl) ties into this whole situation. L is fabulous, EXACLTY like me and J and so much fun.
problem 1- she has the same name as M. which makes M furious
problem 2- she has the same initials as M. which makes M furious
problem 3- she is alot of fun and me and J really like her, Which makes M furious
problem 4-she looks a bit like M. which makes M furious
problem 5- she is taking out her stupid immature rage on J, who has not been anything but a friend to her. M does not understand thats she's not being replaced. L is just a sweet girl trying to make some new friends in a new school. she's really cool and we all agree that she could definitely become a close friend of ours. M disagress, and thinks L is trying to steal her light.. i understand were M is coming from, i mean c'mon. a new girl comes who looks like you and even has the same name... right before your about to leave.
anyone would be mad, but she doesn't need to be a bitch to J or L about it. she isn't a bitch to me cause she knows i won't take it. she is a total bitch to J because she knows how much J loves her and feels guilty. and shes a bitch to L because shes new. M has never even spoken a word to L and she claims she hates her.
we all love M and we dont ever wanna see her hurt, but she better start acting normal, or i'll snap.
she's hurting J more than necessary. j is always taking M's crap and for what? J has done NOTHING. and M better realise what shes doing to J cause shes really hurting her feelings.
along with mine.
i DON'T like to see my friends upset. and both J, M and L and i are upset.
this will not end well.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Messy Decisions (J)
Dear Stranger, it's J .
Finally, I have something a little interesting to write about. Finally something with meaning, something exciting, just SOMETHING in my life to write about. I'm happy about it, but my best friend M is making me feel horrible for this one good thing I'm experiencing.
Basically, there is a new girl who just transfered to my school for the second semester. She's in my gym class. She looks a little bit like my friend M at a glance...
I decided that I should go up and talk to her considering she was all alone, and new. That's something I rarely do. Turns out, she has the same name as M...
We hit it off right away, and we always pair up for whatever sport we're playing, I think we'll become very good friends. The only thing standing in the way is M's stubborn hate towards this new girl, L.
I met up with L for lunch yesterday because M told me she was eating with her other friends anyways. So I had lunch with L, and my other friends C and Velvet, they all hit it off as well.
I thought it was perfect, a new friend who is awesome, how could it be a bad thing. And considering I absolutely detest physical activity and so does L, it's perfect that we have gym together so we can just stand around and chat.
M hates her.
How awkward is that for me?
Before they even met M told me she hated L, didn't want to meet her, or talk to her. She wanted nothing that had to due with L. Everyone has been telling M that L looks exactly like her, they have the same name, initials, and she was really nice. Now M feels like she's being replaced. Absolutely not, the only similarity is their name. I kept asking M to meet L and get to know her, I know if she did she'd like L. She refuses. So we made them meet.
Why shouldn't I want my best friend of 3 years to meet my other new friend, and hope that they get along, how could they not.
So we brought L to find M, introduced them...
It was excruciatingly awkward.
L waved and said hey, M turned her face and starteed talking to someone else ith a mean look on her face. She claims she didn't notice L said something...
Going to a new school isn't easy, and meeting people is worse. You hope people will like you, but if you go to a new school and here from your new friends that they have a friend with the same name they want you to meet- you're excited, right?
Well quite a let down it was when she felt totally rejected by M, possibly worrying if that would change the way C, Velvet and me would see her.
Going somewhere new and being hated because of your name? Awful.
M should be the most sympathetic toward sher out of any of us, first of all, she should try and get to know her considering I want her to and we're best friends... And the biggest part is that M is moving to a new country for grade 10, she will be in the same shoes as L is now. Shouldn't she consider that? If something like that happens to her she will die, and I mean die.
So the plan is I hang out with L at lunch and M before and after school. But what about weekends? Why can't I not worry about who I'm going to hang out with and exactly when and will it make my other friend angry.
L wants to be friends with M.
M doesn't want to be friends with L, but shouldn't she try, shouldn't she say hi?
Why can't I hang out with all my friends at once, and not have to worry?
Why doesn M have to make me feel like I'm doing something wrong?
I'm doing the best I can in a situation like this?
I'm trying to satisfy both of them, shouldnt M try too?!
Why can't I just feel happy that I've made this new great friend, isntead of feeling guilty?
M can't understand she's NOT being replaced, I keep trying to hang out with M but she glares or complains about the little time I spend with L. But if I bring up L, she gets pissed.
One good thing happens in my life, but it's fucking up my life.
M is trying to 'step out of the group' she says. But then she says I'm ditching her, everytime I ask if she wants to have lunch she tells me no. She is ditching me- because to hang out with me she might have to sacrifice meeting someone with the same first name as her, which is apparently such a huge hassle she can't be friends with me anymore. I don't talk about L around her unless she brings her up, I ask to hang out with M even when I still want to get to know L - but she denies me, i smile at her in the halls - she is my best friend- before I can talk to her though she glares and turns her back. It's not my fault this girl came to the school. But I'm not going to make her feel unwelcome cause her name is L. Why can't M stop being closed-minded and stubborn, and do something for ME for ONCE. It's always about M, and the one time something happens for me, she finds a way to make it all about her. What do I do?
And on the worse side of things...
Today I found L at lunch talking to my middle school friends mentioned in past blogs.
No way are they going to steal ANOTHER of my friends. I'm sick of that.
Also my good friend Scrotum just recently stopped liking M, he'd liked her for a long time despite the fact that she was totally toying with his mind. Scrotum thinks he likes L, the 'new M'. Now, THAT, will piss M off even more, what could make her feel more replaced than that?
But I'm happy for him, he hasn't ever had a girlfriend who meant a lot to him... or that he meant a lot to, so I encourage it.
But if L talks to 3, M's long time obsession/crush, she's in for it. Good thing she's been warned.
My anger is overshadowing my happiness, which only comes so often...
Finally, I have something a little interesting to write about. Finally something with meaning, something exciting, just SOMETHING in my life to write about. I'm happy about it, but my best friend M is making me feel horrible for this one good thing I'm experiencing.
Basically, there is a new girl who just transfered to my school for the second semester. She's in my gym class. She looks a little bit like my friend M at a glance...
I decided that I should go up and talk to her considering she was all alone, and new. That's something I rarely do. Turns out, she has the same name as M...
We hit it off right away, and we always pair up for whatever sport we're playing, I think we'll become very good friends. The only thing standing in the way is M's stubborn hate towards this new girl, L.
I met up with L for lunch yesterday because M told me she was eating with her other friends anyways. So I had lunch with L, and my other friends C and Velvet, they all hit it off as well.
I thought it was perfect, a new friend who is awesome, how could it be a bad thing. And considering I absolutely detest physical activity and so does L, it's perfect that we have gym together so we can just stand around and chat.
M hates her.
How awkward is that for me?
Before they even met M told me she hated L, didn't want to meet her, or talk to her. She wanted nothing that had to due with L. Everyone has been telling M that L looks exactly like her, they have the same name, initials, and she was really nice. Now M feels like she's being replaced. Absolutely not, the only similarity is their name. I kept asking M to meet L and get to know her, I know if she did she'd like L. She refuses. So we made them meet.
Why shouldn't I want my best friend of 3 years to meet my other new friend, and hope that they get along, how could they not.
So we brought L to find M, introduced them...
It was excruciatingly awkward.
L waved and said hey, M turned her face and starteed talking to someone else ith a mean look on her face. She claims she didn't notice L said something...
Going to a new school isn't easy, and meeting people is worse. You hope people will like you, but if you go to a new school and here from your new friends that they have a friend with the same name they want you to meet- you're excited, right?
Well quite a let down it was when she felt totally rejected by M, possibly worrying if that would change the way C, Velvet and me would see her.
Going somewhere new and being hated because of your name? Awful.
M should be the most sympathetic toward sher out of any of us, first of all, she should try and get to know her considering I want her to and we're best friends... And the biggest part is that M is moving to a new country for grade 10, she will be in the same shoes as L is now. Shouldn't she consider that? If something like that happens to her she will die, and I mean die.
So the plan is I hang out with L at lunch and M before and after school. But what about weekends? Why can't I not worry about who I'm going to hang out with and exactly when and will it make my other friend angry.
L wants to be friends with M.
M doesn't want to be friends with L, but shouldn't she try, shouldn't she say hi?
Why can't I hang out with all my friends at once, and not have to worry?
Why doesn M have to make me feel like I'm doing something wrong?
I'm doing the best I can in a situation like this?
I'm trying to satisfy both of them, shouldnt M try too?!
Why can't I just feel happy that I've made this new great friend, isntead of feeling guilty?
M can't understand she's NOT being replaced, I keep trying to hang out with M but she glares or complains about the little time I spend with L. But if I bring up L, she gets pissed.
One good thing happens in my life, but it's fucking up my life.
M is trying to 'step out of the group' she says. But then she says I'm ditching her, everytime I ask if she wants to have lunch she tells me no. She is ditching me- because to hang out with me she might have to sacrifice meeting someone with the same first name as her, which is apparently such a huge hassle she can't be friends with me anymore. I don't talk about L around her unless she brings her up, I ask to hang out with M even when I still want to get to know L - but she denies me, i smile at her in the halls - she is my best friend- before I can talk to her though she glares and turns her back. It's not my fault this girl came to the school. But I'm not going to make her feel unwelcome cause her name is L. Why can't M stop being closed-minded and stubborn, and do something for ME for ONCE. It's always about M, and the one time something happens for me, she finds a way to make it all about her. What do I do?
And on the worse side of things...
Today I found L at lunch talking to my middle school friends mentioned in past blogs.
No way are they going to steal ANOTHER of my friends. I'm sick of that.
Also my good friend Scrotum just recently stopped liking M, he'd liked her for a long time despite the fact that she was totally toying with his mind. Scrotum thinks he likes L, the 'new M'. Now, THAT, will piss M off even more, what could make her feel more replaced than that?
But I'm happy for him, he hasn't ever had a girlfriend who meant a lot to him... or that he meant a lot to, so I encourage it.
But if L talks to 3, M's long time obsession/crush, she's in for it. Good thing she's been warned.
My anger is overshadowing my happiness, which only comes so often...
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