Shameful Links (C)

Dear stranger, it's C .

Hey stangers, so I guess you could say my head is a little clearer? Not racing as much, I think it has to do with a certain friend who happened to reappear in my life. Her name is U. She moved to Winnipeg 5 years ago, then moved to florida. Maybe this is exactly what I needed to forget about my stupid aching pain for a day and go out with my old friend. And I did. And I enjoyed myself, fully enjoyed myself for a whole night. I didn't think of X once. I even decided to dye my hair, which is weird because if I was alone that would be the last thing on my mind. I found out what my addiction is. It's warmth, laughter, distraction. Anything to be smart enough to distract me... Most friends let you suffer and talk about it. But not mine, I want nothing more than constant distraction, I want to laugh and have fun and be light. I don't want to go into my head these days, I want to stay out of the dark never ending tunnel that my brain has become.. A perfect way to keep that happening-
U offered me something I could barely wrap my head around. A trip, to florida for a month in the summer, which is only four months away. I'm sure I can make it through four months? .... Can you believe it, a month in florida? No parents, no stupid cell phone, no idiots I hate, just me, J and my old friend in florida- shopping, and tanning. Sounds perfect. I'm going to discuss it with my parents. I'm hoping they see the pleeding in my eyes, and realise I need this trip to get the fuck out of were I am. I can't stand being in this house. I look around and everything reminds me of him. I can't take the constant tears, I need to have a thrill! I need to go somewhere totally new, and weird and have nothing but fun. Not think all summer! Maybe I'll come back completely healed.... Or maybe I'll come back the exact same. Maybe even worse? But I don't care. I am willing to take that risk to live my life. I don't think I will ever fully forget X... He was, well he was my everything. And I'm his nothing.. I'll have to deal with that and move on.. But I won't ever fully forget him. I can't. The hole in my chest won't let me. Maybe this is my shameful link... my way out? My chance to live my life. I don't know who I am anymore.
And I don't even care, I need this. I want this, and I will have this.

Slippery Addiction (J)

Dear stranger, it's J .

I have an addiction. I don't believe it's too harmful, but I have been told otherwise. I guess it could be considered a drug, technically it is... But it just doesn't seem serious; caffeine.
I type this as I sit beside my sculpture of RedBull cans, it's getting pretty big... But I'm not worried.
How could something that tastes so good be bad?
I've sortof been living on RedBull, when I' m craving caffeine at school I'll resort to a cappucino.
I can't go very long without Redbull without having a bad headache from caffeine withdrawal now...
I'm definitely hooked, I overdose almost everyday and it barely affects me, I'm used to it. But when I go without it is when I start suffering.
I'm drinking one right now.
I'm not trying to quit it, because I don't think I could.
But the only thing that worries me is that I get hooked on things fast and bad.
I have a Very addictive personality, when I do something I go all the way. If I find something I like, I overdo it, I can't get enough. I have tons of little addictions.
There's a definite possibilty that I could have a truly harmful addiction in future.
Once is never enough.